Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
