Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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