but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
