Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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