A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
