That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
