its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
