I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
