shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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