My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
