I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
