i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
