If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
