I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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