Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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