Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
