my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
