If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
