Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
