They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
