Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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