I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
