Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i love accidental penises.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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