i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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