You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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