Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the day after is always just damage control
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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