I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm so fucking centered right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dick has a subreddit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
