There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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