I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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