youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
