if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
