you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
