The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
