her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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