One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
