discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
