Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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