I think I am morally bankrupt
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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