I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
