Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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