We're facebook friends in real life
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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