We need to rekindle our bromance
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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