Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
