You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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