His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
