Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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