I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
