So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
