it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
