My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
sex in a hospital.. check
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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