i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
