low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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