I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
