So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
