dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
