if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
