I'm eating all of the evidence.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
