Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will be naked everywhere
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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