i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
