I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
