my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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