HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
