yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
