so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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