your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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