the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
