I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
