either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
