i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
