I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
