Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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