Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
