I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize