I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
