Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
