It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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