You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
