he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize