I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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