even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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