the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
