very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she smelled like a LAN party
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
