if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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