I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize