This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
