mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
