guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
