Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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