He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
