Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
