I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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