I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
