I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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