he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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