Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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