i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
