I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
