Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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