What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
