You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize