Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
