I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
