im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize