i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
