No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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