The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
